i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
