SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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