So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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