yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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