there was a trapeze. enough said
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
