Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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