it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
