Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
