When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
