but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
