last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
