i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
40s are totally the cure
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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