I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
