morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
