She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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