They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
soo... how was my night?
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