you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
