Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize