Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
