I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
