i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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