I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
