she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
