the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
