Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize