youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
