im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
