Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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