I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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