is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up under a house in Key West
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