Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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