I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
