I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
