ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
