im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
