I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
