she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
