it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
