Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
