there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
