R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
