In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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