Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize