I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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