It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
