what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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