You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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