Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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