you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
