have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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