i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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