How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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