his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
