well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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