dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
