kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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