U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
