Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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