I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
