so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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