Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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