I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
