Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
