If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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