I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
