did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
