so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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