Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize