i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Randomize
