guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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