Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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