sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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