K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm like, not good at living.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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