I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
