Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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