Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
