i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
