oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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