he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My vagina is officially offended.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
