I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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