So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
