One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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