You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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