Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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