Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
