the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was confusing and full of hummus
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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