He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
