haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
