I heard we made out
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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