brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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