At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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