Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
