I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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