My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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