Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
