honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
