I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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