I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
