I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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