I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
