Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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