Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
