So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
